What can I say… I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. And to be completely honest, I needed the time and space. I’ve had so much to catch you up on, but I’ve never felt like the words would flow, or that I’d know exactly what to say. I’ve sat at my computer more times than I could count, staring at the keyboard, begging the words to come, but they never would. I’d push it off for another day, hoping that one day soon that feeling would change.
A few days ago, I finally woke up missing my blog. I’ve missed sharing my heart, my projects and my life. But there’s something I need to tell you… and it’s harder than I ever imagined. Finally though, I’m ready, and it’s the start of a new chapter.
First things first, I want to thank each and every one of you who has reached out to me to make sure I’m ok. I know I stopped posting in a really odd way… let’s go back to last year… A month before Christmas I was having horrible stomach pains that then escalated into appendicitis. Long story short, I ended up having an emergency appendectomy on Christmas day… and that was the last update I shared on any social media platform. I left you all hanging, I know… and I’m sorry for leaving so many of you wondering exactly what had happened.
An even longer story short, turns out my appendix had been leaking before surgery, and I developed an abscess a week after surgery. That resulted in another hospital stay, with a drain tube installed into my back, and a week at home with horrible pain. Needless to say, the start of 2018 wasn’t really off to a great start. And that was just the beginning…
I guess this is the point where I just come right out and say it… a few months into the new year, Anthony and I decided to get a divorce. I’ve been so afraid to share the news here on the blog, but it’s time. As hard as we tried to make things work, sometimes they just don’t, and the best way to move forward is to have a fresh start with a blank chapter. It’s been final for several months now, and while there is still sadness that our marriage didn’t work, I have peace knowing we both tried hard to make things better.
I can say, going through that process was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I never wanted to watch my world fall apart, but that’s exactly what happened. All I could do, was stand there and watch every piece of my life crumble around me. To say it was hard, would be a massive understatement. Everything I’d hoped, dreamed of, worked for and thought I wanted suddenly died… and I was left trying to pick up the pieces to what my new future would look like.
All I knew, was that God had a plan for me, for my life and for my future. I knew He’d never leave me, and that at the end of each day, no matter the pain, hurt or uncertainty, I’d be alright.
And I am alright. More than alright. For the longest time, I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it… and having a blog where I had to publicly make a statement, or so it felt, thoroughly intimidated me. It felt like the longest journey of trying to figure out what my life was going to look like moving forward. I had a choice to focus on the past, or look forward to the future, with even more hope than I ever thought possible. I realized, I had to let go of my control and let God lead me on the path He wanted me to take.
I have peace about everything that’s happened, and the fear of what my life will look like has left… letting it go, and letting God step in, was, without a doubt, the best decision I made. God had a plan… an incredibly beautiful plan that I couldn’t have dreamed possible. I just had to trust Him first.
With all of that said, I know many of you will probably have questions… some of them I may be able to answer, and some of them I may not. I know one of the biggest questions, is what’s happening with the house. Right now, it’s listed for sale, and Anthony is living there. I’ve moved out, and into a rental home for a short time. But… I’m happy to say, there will be another home to introduce soon! A new and exciting story is already in the making.
The question regarding the future of the blog, and what things will look like from this point forward, is honestly one of the reasons I’ve been so quiet these last several months. I never knew what to say, or what things would look like moving forward. I still don’t exactly know, but if there’s one thing I can say, it’s that it won’t be so long before I post again. My hope, is that with this fresh start I have, I’ll have much to share… my love for home and homemaking hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just been put on pause.
Again, I want to thank each and every one of you who’ve reached out. You have no idea what it’s all meant to me, and how much I needed to hear from you…. my cup truly overflows.